Harry Potter in Bunny Land
by Freakishly Human
Summary: Snape gets drunk and claims Harry Potter as his long lost son Clancy.


Harry Potter in Bunny Land!  
  
Disclaimer: I own the following characters, JoJo the Wacko Witch, Bill the Waffleman, The Mushroom Faerie, and of course Clancy. The Harry Potter characters were created by J.K. Rowling. I am not sure exactly who created Bob the Builder, but it wasn't me, so therefore I do not own him either.  
  
Harry was bent over his cauldron concentrating hard as he poured precisely measured amounts of crushed beetle in amongst the already simmering leprechaun juice. He had three minutes left to go then he was free from Snape, his least favorite teacher. This class period had been the strangest he could ever remember having in potions. Snape hadn't taken any points from Gryffindor, he hadn't threatened to poison anyone, and just now he was carefully helping Neville Longbottom with his potion. Snape was acting nice, and that worried Harry even more than Snape being mean. Even the Slytherins didn't know what to make of this change. Draco Malfoy was working silently, for once not throwing insults at Harry.  
  
Harry looked up at the end of class and began packing his stuff while his best friend Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger waited for him. He grinned and they were nearly out the door when Snape tapped Harry on the shoulder. Harry turned and wondering what he had done now. Snape however didn't look like he was even a little bit angry or upset about anything at all. In fact it was quite the opposite, Snape looked incredibly happy. Snape motioned Ron and Hermione away.  
  
"I just need to have a quick word with Harry. Run along he will find you soon I am sure. Nice job on your potion Miss Granger." Snape said not noticing the dumbstruck look on Hermione and Ron's faces. They turned and walked down the hall.  
  
"Ummm did you want something Professor?" Harry asked almost afraid to know. His green eyes nearly bugged out of his head when Snape hugged him. The teacher who had hated his father, the teacher who loathed him, was hugging him, Harry Potter.  
  
"There is something I need to tell you." Snape said after taking a long drink from a bottle on his desk.  
  
"Er.Okay." Harry replies kind of nervously.  
  
"Clancy, I am your father." Snape says looking very serious. Harry looks at him and sniffs the air.  
  
"Professor, I think your drunk." Harry says making a face as he smells the tequila on Snape's breath.  
  
"Nonsense Clancy. Now give your old dad a hug!" Snape says energetically.  
  
"Er ummm sorry dad? I have to go to my next class now. Bye!"  
  
Harry turns to run out thinking that the drunk Snape is quite possibly scarier than Snape when he is sober. He runs back to Gryffindor and mutters the password, rice krispies. He runs into the common room out of breath and looks at Ron and Hermione. He flops down in a chair waiting to regain his breath before telling them about Snape's odd behavior. When he finishes telling them all about the scene in the dungeon all is silent with the exception of Fred and George sniggering about something on the other side of the common room.  
  
"Maybe you should go talk to Dumbledore. I will go to the library and see if there is anything about the effects of tequila on a wizard." Hermione says in a squeaky voice.  
  
Fred and George walk over suddenly and begin serenading Ron. As they sing the Wind Beneath My Wings something comes flying in the window. Harry looks over and studies the creature. It is small and pink with red polka dots, and appears to have a wand that's the shape of a mushroom. It cackles and begins changing random objects into Mushrooms, such as the chair Harry is sitting on.  
  
"I am the Mushroom Faerie, Faerie of the Mushrooms!" It says in a high pitch voice full of laughter and possibly gas.  
  
"That's nice. Could you not turn every thing into mushrooms?" Harry asked.  
  
"I will grant you three wishes, but there is a small price." The Mushroom Faerie says trying to sound wise but only managing to hiccup a little.  
  
"Okay what is the price?" Harry asks as he begins to nibble on the mushroom he was sitting on. Fred and George are on the other side of the mushroom eating that half now that they are done singing to Ron.  
  
"You must allow me to change your scar." The faerie says.  
  
"Fair enough." Harry replied while growling at the twins.  
  
The Faerie waves her wand changing Harry's scar from a lightning bolt to a pink bunny. Fred and George back away in horror and Harry struts triumphantly. Fred and George back away even more upon seeing Harry strut. They begin to whisper to each other and then run from the room tearing their clothes off. Ron shrugs and continues painting a butterfly on Hermione's face.  
  
"For my first wish, I wish for my parent's to be alive again and right in this room." Harry says.  
  
The Mushroom Faerie waves her wand and suddenly Snape appears with Petunia Dursley. Harry stares at the mushroom Faerie in disbelief as Snape and Petunia start hugging him, and each other. They both are now calling him Clancy.  
  
"See I told you I was your Dad Clancy." Snape says laughing heartily.  
  
"I couldn't tell you I your mom because of Vernon dear. I am so glad you finally know Clancy." Petunia says as she kisses all over Harry's face.  
  
Peeves the poltergeist flies in and starts throwing chairs and mushrooms at Snape and Petunia. They dive and hide under one of the larger mushrooms and try to talk Peeves out of smushing them.  
  
"I AM HIS FATHER AND THE BLOODY BARON IS HIS MOTHER!" yells Peeves with an evil cackle.  
  
The Bloody Baron floats through the wall and nods in agreement. He draws his ghostly sword and Snape grabs a sword from a suit of armor. They begin to do battle Peeves and Petunia cheering them on. Harry and Ron are sharing a bag of popcorn and cheering for the Bloody Baron. Snape takes three hundred points from Ravenclaw for the hell of it and continues the battle until he accidentally cuts off his own left arm. He and Petunia then turn into large pink bunnies and hop out trampling Hermione in the process.  
  
"I WILL HAVE VENGANCE!" Ron yells after them, he then begins to eat toffees and forgets about the whole thing.  
  
JoJo the Wacko witch comes running in followed closely by Fred and George who are wearing pink bunny boxer shorts. They chase JoJo around the common room for three and a half minutes, and then they all sit down for tea. They sip their Chamomile Mustard tea and reminisce about the good old days. JoJo then begins the braid Fred's lack of hair. George is trying to get her attention by showing off the new moves he learned in Ballet class when they are all interrupted by.BILL THE WAFFLEMAN!  
  
Fred and George immediately start bidding on the waffles while JoJo watches the excitement of the bidding getting to her. Just when George thinks he has it in the bag Bob the Builder comes out of nowhere and buys all the waffles for $2.95. JoJo then runs off with Bob, and changes her name to Bobbess the Builder's wife. They have six kids and three monkeys. Well they HAD six kids and three monkeys, but then two of the monkeys ate four of the kids.  
  
Fred and George married Rapunzel and Gretel and lived happily ever after in the land of the freaky pants. That is until they were thrown out for never actually wearing pants at all.  
  
Harry found out that his real parents are in fact Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. He killed himself shortly after and Ron was the only one who showed up at the funeral, and that was so that he could get Harry's permission to date Britney now that Justin was out of the picture. Harry rolled over in his grave and Ron took that as a yes. He married Britney and had 25 brainless tone-deaf kids.  
  
Snape became a pop singer, his first song stayed at the number one spot for 12 years. Mostly because he threatened to curse anyone who came up with anything better. The chorus of his song went like this, "Yankee Snapey went to town riding on a rhino, stuck a wand up someone's ass and called it fettuccini alfredo." After a little while Snape disappeared. He was last seen talking with the Backstreet Boys wearing bad disguises. Most assumed they had kidnapped him so that their songs could be number one again, but their songs remained in second place because they suck more than the stuff that Snape wrote.  
  
Harry wakes up in his room on Privet Drive and sighs with relief. He didn't remember ever having any dreams that were as screwed up as that one.  
  
Well people, there is chapter one. If anyone wants me to add to this story, or the last one I wrote, well review them please! Love,  
  
Freakishly Human Cream Puff! 


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